Tracy Lawrence of Love Engine

1: What is your greatest fear, and how do you manage it?

One of my biggest fears is not having my own tribe and support system. I’m an only child and I think that amplifies my fear that my parents will pass away and I won’t have anyone to support me. Until somewhat recently, I didn’t manage this fear in the right ways. I tried putting the pressure of being my entire support system on a partner - that obviously didn’t work. I tried to pour all my focus into work - that puts you in the shitter almost immediately. I tried putting all my effort into loving myself more, which is a great start, but it still isn’t the complete resource. The true turning point for me was a focus on spirituality - that and a mixture of other supportive resources like self love, friends, family, etc. I didn’t grow up religious but I’ve found that keeping up a spiritual practice and the thread of knowing that there is something greater than me, that loves me and everything around me, is such an amazing resource in life. And I stay connected to my spirituality through meditation - typically 15 to 20 minutes of meditation a day.

2: How do you define success?

When I started my first company, Chewse, I defined success as taking the company public, but that honestly set me up for failure. Since starting my coaching business, I define success completely differently. There’s a journey component that’s very powerful where I can live every day in flow and ease, and sure, there’s still an outcome component I’m striving for as well. Success for me now looks like being a channel for people’s energy, a fuel source for them on their path to deeper connection and greater alignment with their purpose. If my experiences can help other entrepreneurs succeed. If I can help them avoid challenges I’ve encountered or handle things better than I did, that’s success. Even if the challenges we’re discussing are strategic on the surface, there’s often a lot of emotional elements involved as well. So it’s also very therapeutic for me because I’m simultaneously chipping away at the old shame and old guilt I’ve been harboring.

3: Who are your real-life heroes?

The hero that comes to mind for me is my coach, Khalid Halim. Well he’s no longer my coach, but he was for several years when I was the CEO of Chewse. He’s got such a grounding energy that embodies so much love. It’s such a beautiful thing to see that embodied in a man - it’s a beautiful way to see masculinity.

"The hero that comes to mind for me is my coach, Khalid Halim... He’s got such a grounding energy that embodies so much love. It’s such a beautiful thing to see that embodied in a man - it’s a beautiful way to see masculinity."

I also look up to the way he’s structured his coaching business. He’s a full time coach who lives on a farm with his wife and two kids - he’s just built such a flexible life for himself. I’m inspired by the way he values freedom and the work he does as a healer. He’s been an important mentor to me on my journey as a coach.

4: What is the best gift you've given yourself?

The best gift that I've ever given myself was the permission to move to Hawaii. It was honestly a dream I had forgotten about. I used to come to Hawaii twice a year with my parents - they loved Hawaii. I grew up wanting to do hospitality and to work in the hotel industry - I even interned at a hotel in Honolulu for a while. Hawaii was also where I first learned to surf and surfing is still a huge part of my life. But life happened, and I ended up on a different path with starting Chewse and moving to San Francisco. Then COVID hit and my partner and I were just kind of traveling around, working remotely, so we decided to ride out the pandemic in Hawaii. It didn’t take long after moving there for me to realize that I had been in denial for so long and that I was meant to be here, in Hawaii, where I’d always dreamt of living. This permanent move meant leaving behind friends and family in California, and it also had tax implications for my business, but it felt right. So I guess you could say that the greatest gift I’ve given myself is the permission to fulfill my dreams and to make choices that nourish me, no matter the implications. And this choice continues to feel like a gift to me every day.

5: What was the last win you celebrated?

My last win was a big milestone of recovery from long COVID. This last year was really tough - I could barely stand to make myself tea and I was taking coaching calls lying down because I couldn’t sit up for long periods of time. I thought I was going to die. Then over the summer my energy started building up again and I slowly started going on walks. I can remember the first sunset I saw when I went on one of these walks - I was just bawling my eyes out, I was so happy to be walking again. Coming out of all of that was a big deal for me and I hadn’t been surfing in a long time so to celebrate I took a surf trip to the Philippines with a dear friend. Surfing has always been a core part of my identity, so being able to bring that back into my life was huge for me!

"When we’re always focused on the next goal, the next milestone, and don’t stop to celebrate the wins, we’re literally missing out on the joy."

Prior to this experience I don’t know that I was all that good at celebrating my wins, and I also see my clients today struggling to celebrate their wins. I suspect that it comes from this messed up belief that exists in the world that we're not allowed to have joy until we've earned it, as if the harder we work, the more joy we’ll have. What’s ironic is that this belief is so counter to what joy is. When we’re always focused on the next goal, the next milestone, and don’t stop to celebrate the wins, we’re literally missing out on the joy.

Tracy wearing the Gold Plated Dual Voluptuous Earrings by Annika Inez. 

About Tracy Lawrence:

Tracy Lawrence is a post-exit founder and executive coach. She ran Chewse, creating superior eating experiences for offices where she raised $40M in venture capital and sold the company in 2020. Through executive coaching, somatic work, and psychedelic integration, Tracy now supports leaders’ efforts to reconnect with deeper love and impact as they scale their efforts to help the world.